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Monday, September 18, 2006

Lower Great Plains of the Apes

Armed Gorilla Week continues as we take a look at the awesomeness that is Jack Kirby's Kamandi the Last Boy on Earth .

First of all, I can't say how disappointed I am that my home city of Louisville doesn't appear to fall within the borders of the Gorilla Communes. I guess I should just thank my lucky stars the U.S.N.Y.R.N. didn't expand any further. Damn East Coast Aquatic Liberal Rats!

Kamandi 1Those of you lucky enough to live in the Gorilla Communes after the Great Cataclysm will no doubt be wondering, "what sort of weaponry will our Gorilla masters use to subjugate us?" Good question. The Gorilla warlords of the future will have a vast and varied arsenal including, but not limited to

Pistols (uh...I think)

"Minimum Strike" Sticks

Whips

Good Ole' Beatin' Clubs

Mortars

Rifles

Sonic Death Rays

Armored Personnel Carriers

Gorilla Catapults

Gatling Guns

Dynamite Launchers

"Demolition Dumplings"

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12 Comments:

Anonymous Dwayne "the canoe guy" said...

OMG That mortar gorilla ripped the head off the robot from Short Circuit

9/18/2006 10:43 PM

 
Blogger The Fortress Keeper said...

Great. Unless California has gone six feet under after the Great Disaster, I live near the Lion Tribes and Pueblo builders.

I don't think either of those "powers" have Demolition Dumplings, consarn it!

9/19/2006 3:14 AM

 
Anonymous Tom said...

What are they hiding under all those hats?

9/19/2006 7:33 AM

 
Blogger Brandon said...

It's a well known fact that male pattern baldness strikes 3 out of every 4 gorillas over the age of 25.

9/19/2006 7:38 AM

 
Blogger Dweeze said...

As someone who finds himself on the edge of the Gorilla Communes, I can honestly say that I, for one, welcome our new ape overlords.

9/19/2006 10:18 AM

 
Anonymous Dwayne "the canoe guy" said...

Well, Oklahoma appears to be smack dab in the middle of this wonderful gorilla-festation and I say that we welcome it with long knuckle dragging arms.

After all, they're obviously doing all the work that humans won't do. Oh, wait, that was in the Planet movies. Sorry, my bad.

PS, your bloomin monkey comment made me snort with laughter. I will have my revenge.

9/19/2006 2:14 PM

 
Blogger Brandon said...

Dwayne: Alas, poor Johnny-Five! I knew him, Dwayne...I - What?!! Revenge?!! I'd think twice about threatening me, buddy! I'll sell you out to our new Gorilla overlords in less time than it takes you to blink!

Keeper: Ha! With those lousy peaceniks defending your borders, you're sure to succumb to the mighty Gorilla hordes. Might as well just surrender now.

Dweeze: If you know what's good for you, you'll start memorizing recipes for banana cream pies. Gorillas love that shit!

9/19/2006 4:35 PM

 
Anonymous Dwayne "the canoe guy" said...

blink blink


blink


blink

hmm, I haven't been sold out yet. I think you have some bold talk for a sandwich munching teleporter firmly entrenched in the Expanding Tiger Empire.

9/19/2006 5:11 PM

 
Blogger Brandon said...

(whispers)
shhh...that's just supposed to make me sound good in case they're listening in. just play along.

*AHEM*

LIKE I WAS SAYING - ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY GORILLAS, THOSE WHO OPPOSE THEM WILL BE SENT TO THE BANANA GROVES TO WORK UNTIL DEATH!!

9/19/2006 6:40 PM

 
Anonymous Dwayne "the canoe Guy" said...

blink
Wha? Where am I?

9/19/2006 7:58 PM

 
Blogger joncormier said...

Dang, I grew up in that charred bit north-east of the NY Rats, but now I'm save in the Devil Zone.

9/20/2006 10:02 AM

 
Blogger Brandon said...

Jon: Be careful, those human herds are like fucking locusts.

They'll wander over and deplete your Maple syrup reserves in less time than it takes Dwayne to blink.

9/20/2006 2:07 PM

 

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